Someone in the White House is asking for ‘sacrificial offerings,’ and no, we aren’t making this up

Just when it seemed like the American government couldn’t up the weird ante, the newly appointed head of the praying for “satanic pregnancies” to spontaneously miscarry.

Like much of the rest of Donald Trump‘s cabinet, she’s only pseudo-qualified for the role specifically crafted for her. Just like every other member of Trump’s anti-woke aggressively DEI cabinet, she’s already wielding her role to line her incredibly deep pockets.

White is what some people call a prosperity theologist. Essentially, she thinks that the more money you donate to causes, including people like her, the more good karma you’ll get in your life. Obviously she doesn’t use the word karma. Instead, it’s more like ing off money allows you to “touch Jesus,” or like buying a burial plot long before you might die.

Of course, many religious folks view that as utterly bizarre, and more than one pastor, priest, bishop, or any other flavor of Christian leader you can think of has blasted the “religious leader” for her money-based faith and poor understanding of the Bible. White, unlike most religious leaders around the world, has no formal training. She never attended seminary school, a school of theology, or any other divinity school. Instead, she’s built a career around offering “spiritual advice” to celebrities and politicians like Trump. She takes chumps for every nickel and dime they have, and promises they can go to heaven or heal from sicknesses if the dollar signs are right.

The latest example of deplorable grifting sees White talking into the camera like a late-night infomercial of yesteryear. Invoking Proverbs 1:33 “Whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm,” White asks her followers to send her $133 to match the Bible verse. If that particular proverb breaks the bank, White has a few alternatives.

White “stands on God’s word” to ensure that even her most impoverished follower can fill her coffer, invoking Esther 5:2. The completely unrelated quote reads, “Esther found FAVOR in the King’s sight and touched the tip of his spear.” Channeling her perfected inner grifter with just enough piety sprinkled on top to fool the weak-willed, she announces that sending the money is considered “an act of faith.”

“It’s the same thing as touching Jesus,” she soothes.

“Give a sacrificial offering to stand with Paula White Ministry,” she says before bringing her hands together in a begging motion. “I need you right now.” Her final push for donations comes from Esther 4:14. The $414 proverb reads, “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

Invoking a proverb around saving Israel right at a time when Trump is doing his very best to crush Palestine and turn the Gaza Strip into his own real estate development is one heck of a flex. Of course, Esther herself was Jewish, making White’s usage of the age sheer perfection. Come, help White funnel her funds into a high-yield investment so she can save herself and her friends.

According to data from Salary.com White has an average annual salary of more than half a million dollars from her ministry, which breaks down to around $300 an hour. The White House has yet to confirm how much her position will net her annually, but the average salary for a White House under Trump’s 2016 cabinet was 180k.