All hail the Cruel, the Torturer, the Despised, the Unholy King Charles Windsor, Scourge of England, Sorrow of Scotland! Yup, the King’s first portrait has just been unveiled and it looks like he’s about to channel his undying soul into a baby’s body to revisit the whole “throne of blood in a castle of pain” thing.
The painting, by artist Jonathan Yeo, is a truly eye-catching piece of art and about as Ghostbusters II as it’s possible to get in a painting. Charles is gazing out of what appears to be a sea of gore, wearing a blood-red military uniform and with a butterfly perched upon his shoulder.
As per the BBC, Yeo was trying for a “distinctive” image that stands out from prior Royal portraits and, I think it’s safe to say, this Bloodborne-ass painting fits the bill. The idea is that the butterfly symbolizes metamorphosis and rebirth, while the uniform references the past. And the bloodstained background? It seems that will remain a mystery.
Charles was said to be “mildly surprised” when he saw it and the artist thought he was “smiling approvingly”. By the buttoned-down standards of the British Royal family “mild surprise” is akin to screaming in abject terror, so who knows what he really thinks of this demonic (but, seriously, pretty cool) portrait.
But we do know one person’s take on it. Queen Camilla is head over heels for this depiction of her long-time love. After studying it carefully she concluded, “Yes, you’ve got him.” There was also another key bit of input: Queen Elizabeth II herself saw the painting while Charles was sitting for it and said Yeo had captured him well.
Yeo has joked that a negative reception may be fatal, saying “if this was seen as treasonous, I could literally pay for it with my head, which would be an appropriate way for a portrait painter to die – to have their head removed!”
Another ambition for the painting was to show there was still some magic in the monarchy:
“On the one hand, we know they’re real people with quirks and personality traits. We’ve seen that much more of them. On the other hand, we still want to buy into the mysticism and the fairy tale that they’re different from us, that there’s a bit of magic there.”
If the magic in question is necromancy, then mission accomplished!
Whatever else goes in it’s exciting times for the United Kingdom and Commonwealth as we unite under the banner of Blood King Charles! Let a thousand crimson geysers spew onto the streets as our Sanguinous Master battles the tumorous growths within him. Hail! Hail!
Published: May 14, 2024 12:03 pm